Already got asked if we're dating
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
