Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
