I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
