Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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