Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need a beard to bite.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
