I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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