I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
