its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
