Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i believe in u and ur pee
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
