Apparently you make a good broom.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
