Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
