no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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