I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
