If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize