I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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