she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
