his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm passing your future prison.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
