i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
