Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
