i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
