those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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