the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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