and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
