"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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