No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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