I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
