you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
