i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
