Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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