the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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