I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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