i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
