dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
