i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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