Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
