Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
