this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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