I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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