I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
