he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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