I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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