Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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