just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
