If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
