Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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