Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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