Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
