i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
