I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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