The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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