Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
