i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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