I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
