Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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