i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
