So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
