Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
