Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nicole vs. Life
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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