I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize