you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
