A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
