its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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