i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
