My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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