...so i touched it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
