A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
