so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
