Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
