It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
