so that wasnt chicken after all
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
