I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
