:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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