My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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