That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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