So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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