She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
