"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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