idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
