Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
