he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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