where does the pee come out of this thing
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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